Goodbye Oh-Nine

2009, you sucked. I know most folks put the happy spin on their year-end recaps but that wouldn't really fit into the whole New-Yorkers-Are-Unhappy vibe. Well SUCK IT 2009 'cause not only did I survive this crappy year but I'm ready for more.

We NYers were found to be THE MOST unhappy lot in the country so HAH, we WIN! Wait, what? The ranking is some sucky study lead by economists, funded by a disease center? Happiness is a disease? Glowing, toxic people in Lousianna were happiest? WTF? That state with Katrina and the most Superfund sites is happier than a place where you can get practically anything within a 5 mile radius and you don't have to drive to get there? They must be slipping some X into the gumbo down there 'cause I wouldn't want to be wrestling any of those mutant nutrias or the still-active KKK.

So here are my top ten reasons why 2009 sucked, but I'm sure it was tougher on Sad Panda:

10. Ten months unemployed and I still never found time to watch General Hospital.
9. Had a great time teaching Girl Scouts how to sail yet didn't get a really good tan.
8. Never found time to yarnbomb the tree holding the Redtail Hawk nest I loved watching all summer.
7. Became a victim of the current roommate trend in NYC - "chew daddies"!
6. Spent thousands of dollars on health insurance I never got to use; Baucus and Snow owe me a lap dance.
5. Chai's shit really does stink ... after surgery fixed her impact anal gland; I'm such a bad parent.
4. Even though I saw more than 35 plays and shows, I missed Jude Law as Hamlet; perhaps that was a good thing due to our bad breakup in 2008 - I'm sure he's still hurting.
3. Domenico DeMarco is still making pizza after a health scare but Di Fara slices went up to $5!
2. I find Molly a great home with my folks and she repays me by eatting my Teva sandal.
1. Swapped family drama for workplace drama, and a 3 hour daily commute; I'm a true New Yorker now!

Yep, in the spirit of Festivus, I've aired my grievances. Of course I have more but they'll have to wait 'till the Feats of Strength are over. Now who wants to wrestle? 2010, here I come. Bring it on. You are such my bitch!