The Golden Compass

All Bark, No Bite

Riding on the revival of fantasy children's literature turned movie (Harry Potter, Lemony Snicket, Eragon), The Golden Compass has been brought to the big screen. Given the cult following of the book, I'm sure the adaptation to screen can only pale in comparison to where the imagination could take you. Instead we have more special effects layered onto the scenes than paparazzi glommed onto Britney. Instead of a classic hero's journey myth, we are treated to just a long series of quests that seem like selected stages of a PS3 game. And the bear fight scene had me snicker as I watched one bear rise and stand like a WWF wrestler ready for SmackDown. Instead of a smarmy, intelligent villain, we get a plasticine Barbi played by a botoxed Nichole Kidman. Instead of an intelligent, smart, inquisitive heroine, we get a girl who's only claim to fame is achieved through accidentally hiding, in a wardrobe or under a table, when devilish plans are discussed by adults. Instead of friends coming to your defense, you have them trapped and helpless in a snowy fortress. What is left is a jumble of mixed contradictions and uninspired borrowing from most every children's fantasy novel ever published. While the heroine is 'chosen', as if a messiah, because she can read the compass and the wirches have foretold of her rise to power, we also get barely-veiled attacks on organized religion, specifically the powerful Vatican pre WWII. And while Tolkien spent books upon books to describe armies and legions coming together to fight a larger enemy, here we get unexplained gangs accidentally finding a battlefield but no real explanation of why they've joined the fight. And some of them look rather silly fighting, the witches looking form like an entomologists dream breading between a fairy and a june bug. The only fun character was Sam Elliott with his casual drawl and calming ways. Of course this mess was only produced to leave you hanging for the sequels so I'd hihgly recommend skipping this one unless you care to watch three films all about nothing but looking rather beautifully dressing in imagery only ILM, and Pixar, and WETA and Animal Logic and about 50 other companies can deliver.